I Could Never Do That...

"I could never do that, I'd get too attached."

"Don't you get attached?"

"I would love them too much to let them go."

"That's a great thing you are doing, I could never do that."

These are all responses we've heard when we tell folks we are foster parents. We are still working on a good in-the-moment response that expresses our hearts and helps others understand how essential attachment is in these children's lives and how they can attach to these children without fear and trepidation.

We understand the response probably stems from the person's own insecurities, but these responses can infer that we are foster parents who have hard hearts because we obviously don't get attached.

Did you know that attachment is only learned during childhood? Did you know it is healthier for a child to attach and then say goodbye than to not attach at all? We are made for relationships and if we do not learn how to attach as children, we have problems with relationships for the rest of our lives! Did you know many homeless people were once foster children at some point in their lives? These facts alone give us enough reason to want to be foster parents. But for those who are still weary of the emotional aspect of it...

Here's the thing: We get attached. We love our foster child(ren) like he is our own. We will hurt deeply when Carson leaves. I expect it may feel similar to the heartache when someone you love dies. And we are not quite sure what the grieving process will look like, but one thing we do know, we are also attached to the God who is bigger than any feelings we may have. He is bigger than any situation. He is One who has experienced heartache (A man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering...Isaiah 53:3). He tells us in the book of James to look after orphans and widows in their distress (1:27), therefore we believe He will give us what we need to heal and grow when we need it.

I recently read a book by Corrie Ten Boom and in it she shares this story:

"When I was a little girl, I went to my father and said, 'Daddy, I am afraid that I will never be strong enough to be a martyr for Jesus Christ.'

'Tell me,' Father said, 'when you take a train trip from Haarlem to Amsterdam, when do I give you the money for the ticket? Three weeks before?'

'No, Daddy, you give me the money for the ticket just before we get on the train.'

'That is right,' my father said, 'and so it is with God's strength. Our wise Father in heaven knows when you are going to need things too. Today you do not need strength to be a martyr; but as soon as you are called upon for the honor of facing death for Jesus, He will supply the strength you need--just in time.'"

Of course, we are not facing a martyrs' death but we believe the principle is the same. When He has commanded us to do something and we obey, He will give us everything we need in just the right time. If He gave us what we needed too early, we would most likely be overwhelmed or not even know what to do with it.

When our journey with Carson leads us down the path to reunification with his birth family, we will be so thankful for the opportunity to know him more than the regret of the heartache we feel. In fact, we do not believe there will be any regret. How could there be when you realize you are a better person because you know this little person and the experience leaves you closer to each other and most of all, closer to the God who knows us better than we know ourselves.

Children are close to God's heart and He has commanded us to take care of them.

So don't worry about getting too attached. 

We hope you love them too much to let them go. 

You can do this great thing too. 

Not because of who you are, but because of who He is.