Our Foster Family 5 for Friday! Vol. 4

It’s been a while since we did a 'FF5FF'!

Truth be told, it was a very difficult week. But being that it is Friday night and the week is over, this edition of '5 for Friday' will be focused on the light-hearted, sweet spots from the week…

1. My highlight of the week happened today when we were playing outside.
“Joey” is a curious boy and is enjoying testing the limits as most children do at his age. He was walking to a part of the backyard where I would not be able to see him and as I called for him to come back, he just stood there and smirked. “Damien” loves to be a helper and said, “I’ll get Joey!” He ran over to Joey and said, “Come on Joey, hold my hand.” Joey obediently grabbed his hand and Damien led him back to me, at which point I thanked both boys and let them know where they could play. Damien let go of Joey’s hand and Joey did not like that. He wanted to keep holding hands, and they proceeded to wander around the backyard holding hands. They even included our niece, although she liked to frequently stop and smell the flowers!

     

2. One day this week our 2 boys and our niece all happened to have on pirate themed shirts. (Using the terms “pirate” and “theme” loosely.) Here’s a pic of them enjoying their snack on the “Snack Step” (the step Paul and his siblings ate their snacks as kids):

 

3. A favorite activity of the boys and our niece is looking out the window and enjoying the view of the backyard. We had rain this week and they took so much delight in seeing everything get “all wet!”

4. Our adorable 3 year old Damien likes learning about baby Jesus and participating in pretend play with our Fisher-Price Nativity set. Here are a couple of pictures of the manger scene according to his brilliant 3-year old imagination:

    

5. A ‘5 for Friday’ would not be complete without something cute that Paul did this week. Now Paul does not play videogames very often (or as much as he might like), especially during this time of the year. He is usually out working late, but when an opportunity presented itself over the weekend he took advantage of it. When I came to see what he was playing, I noticed our kids' video monitor strategically placed where he could watch them fall asleep while simultaneously playing his game. I thought this was pretty cute because I was in earshot of the boys and he knew he didn’t need to monitor them, but he wanted to. :)

Placement #4

Within six days of bringing "Joey" home we received 6 placement offers!

Our maximum capacity is 3 children, but currently our preference is 2. We like to have extra space in case any of our past foster children have to go back into The System. We hope they never have to be foster children again, but sometimes it happens. Since one of our core foster parenting principles is for the child to have the least amount of moves possible, having extra space for a child that is already familiar with us and our home helps lessen the trauma.

So the 6 placement offers were:

3 & 4 year old girl siblings
3 year old boy
2 month old girl
1 year old girl
4 month old boy
and a newborn, born hours before the phone call and to be picked up at the hospital!

These children were offered to us at different points throughout the 6 day time period. We were not looking to add another foster child to the family so quickly...we didn't even have Joey for a week yet! We were still getting to know him and getting him adjusted to our home and family, not to mention his habit of vomiting and diarrhea when his environment changes! (See post Placement #3)

Foster parenting one child is time consuming in itself...besides the initial adjustment, there are appointments, parent and social worker visits, shopping trips to get necessities (they usually come with 1-2 items), and logging just about everything important or that may be important into a journal. Life is crazy busy for about a month! Adding another child to that mix is quite an overwhelming juggling act that we were not looking to attempt.

But the need was HUGE. We had the room, and with the holidays quickly approaching we knew we could help another child despite the overwhelming tasks that lay ahead.

Even though we originally said no to all 6 placement offers because less than a week prior we said yes to Joey, the placement workers called back and asked if we could please take one of 3 siblings on a temporary basis. The child was at the local emergency children's shelter for longer than he should be and the shelter was reaching its capacity. We would be more of a Way Station Home (See post What's Next? for an explanation on Way Station) until they could find a long-term foster home for the 3 siblings to live together.

We were actually given a choice of any of the 3 siblings and decided on the oldest because an older child is more independent and we just assumed adding a preschool-age child would be easier than a baby (We were right). :) We also wanted what was best for Joey and adding a baby to the family just didn't seem like it would be the best fit for Joey at this time.

So the next day we went to the local children's shelter for the first time and picked up our 3 year old "Damien" (not his real name) exactly a week after we picked up Joey. The process took about an hour. We had to wait to check-in due to foster teens arriving back from visits and checking back in. Then we spoke with the on-duty nurse and she informed us about Damien and how he was doing at the shelter. She then offered to show us a picture of him before they brought him out. It was the first time we were offered a picture of the child. In foster care, you decide whether to take a child in or not based on information given, never a picture. The first time you see the child is when you pick him up to take him home.

We waited in the lobby with Joey to meet Damien. It was evening time and the building was rather dark. When Damien came into the lobby he was holding the hand of the worker who accompanied him. His other hand clenched a new toy car still in its package. He had on sweat pants that were too small and a sweatshirt that was too big. He had an earring in one ear and his voice was soft-spoken. He was quiet and took all 3 of us in with his dark brown eyes.

We felt immense sympathy for him. He must be so scared going home with strangers. It may have helped that Joey was there with us and he was smiling and babbling. We knelt down on Damien's level and introduced ourselves and tried to assure him with small talk that we were friendly and kind and he could trust us.

The worker held his hand as we led the way to our car and she buckled him in and said her goodbyes. As we drove away from the shelter and towards home, we thought about the changes that 7 days could bring. We went from no kids, and what seemed like tons of free time, to 2 kids, with all of their history and trauma. All 4 of us didn't know what to expect, but we all agreed that cheeseburgers and fries for dinner was a good place to start.