Contentment

I can't think of a time when I was more content with my circumstances in life than I am right now.

Foster parenting is not easy. It is actually really, really difficult at times; but even in the difficult moments or days, I have not ceased being content.

I was trying to explain to Paul that this contentment is more than not desiring anything else. It's more than a feeling, but I have no other word to describe it. "I feel" like I am exactly where God wants me to be.

There's a story in the Bible where Jesus and his disciples are in a boat and an intense storm occurs. The waves are crashing over the boat and the disciples are freaking out. They think they are going to die; meanwhile Jesus is peacefully sleeping amidst the storm. The disciples are so frantic they wake Jesus up and ask him, "Don't you care if we drown?!" Jesus, awake now, tells the wind and waves to be quiet and still and the storm is calmed. (Mark 4:35-41)

This contentment feels like that.

I feel like I could sleep peacefully next to Jesus in that storm. Not because of anything I could do. But because I know who He is. I know that I am with Him exactly where he wants me to be. Right now that is being a wife to Paul, staying home each work day with Carson and my niece, living where I live--on a property surrounded by family, but even more than those, a big source of the contentment comes from being a foster mom.

And when things get crazy, when the storms of life hit and feelings like disappointment, fear, loneliness, insecurity, confusion, doubt, and pain want to wash over me like furious waves, this contentment gives me peace because He is ultimately in control and He cares if I drown.