Grieving, Part 3

[This is the 3rd & final installment of our Grieving Series, for this season in our lives.]

Last May, in a post we published about attachment, we mentioned a quote by Corrie Ten Boom. We used this quote to illustrate the principle that even though reunification will be difficult due to the attachment we create with foster children, we should not fear the pain and grief because when He has commanded us to do something and we obey, He will give us everything we need in just the right time. (You can read the post here.) 

I am here to say, it is true! He will provide everything we need in just the right time!

This process of grieving was not as difficult as I thought it would be. Of course, there was plenty of sadness and times when tears could begin flowing at any moment due to any thousands of triggers. There were nights when I slept with my Bible because it was the only tangible thing of God that I have, and I wanted Him close for comfort. But I also sensed the prayers of those who love us and support us, so the pain was never unbearable or overwhelming. In fact, I always had a sense of peace, you know, the kind that surpasses all understanding. Peace that He is in control and knows exactly what He is doing, even in the midst of pain and sadness.

"...But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves 

but on God,

who raises the dead. 

He HAS delivered us... we have set our hope on him

that he WILL CONTINUE to deliver us, 

as you help us by your prayers.

Then many will give thanks to God 

for the gracious favor granted to us, 

in answer to your many prayers.” 

2 Corinthians 1:9-11

Each year we find that there is a theme for our year that we can sum up in one word. This year we see the word "grieving", or maybe it's "trusting". We have experienced tragedy and disappointment in a few ways already this year, and the pain seems to have culminated with "Carson" and "Maggie" leaving our home (at least, we hope this is the culmination and there is not more to come in the next few months).

From the very beginning we have tried our best to grieve well. To experience all the emotions that come with tragedy and to grow from the experience. And we found that with each painful and sad circumstance what we learned became a stepping stone to help us cope with the next one. It's not that grieving became easier, but maybe more familiar. As we mentioned in 'Grieving, Part 2', we were not created for grief, but it is an inescapable part of life in a fallen world.

So here we are, it's been a couple of weeks since we have been parents to children in our home. Not many people get to re-experience life before kids once they have kids, but we do. It is nice that we have the freedom to just go to Starbucks and write blog posts or read for pleasure; but there is definitely something missing because while we did not physically create and give birth to these children, we are parents. I may not have the stretch marks of labor on my stomach, but I am a mother.

I have labored for my kids and been stretched in ways that will never go away, even if I never have another foster or biological child to care for. We will forever think, feel, and pray differently because of Carson and Maggie. And pray is one of the few things, yet also the most powerful thing, we can do for these kids now that they have reunified with their birth families.

"So we don't focus on the troubles we see right now;

instead we look forward to what we don't see yet.

For the troubles we see now are temporary,

but the joys to come will last forever."

2 Corinthians 4:18

While we may be suffering through the grief of not having our children anymore, we look forward to being a support system for always, praying that they may know Jesus and share our hope in the joys to come that will last forever.