When we picked Carson up we were not told much, but we were told he has
family, probably aunties, that would most likely be able to take over
guardianship. But we have no idea how long he will be with us, could be
weeks, could be months. We are expecting reunification with the birth
family, but we also thought we were going to pick him up on Friday, not
Thursday. So, we are going with the flow and providing a safe, stable, and
loving home for him as long as he needs it.
We are continually experiencing
and growing in so many ways. We didn't
realize how paradoxical foster parenting can be. We were excited to see 2
years of trying to be foster parents come to fruition and we were
excited to meet Carson, but at the same time we were/are sad for Carson
and his family. We feel some anger and judgment towards his parents for
not proving a safe and secure environment for him, but then we have
compassion as we speak with his mother over the phone. One thing is for
sure, we want what's best for Carson and we know that reunifying him to
his parents, as long as it is safe and stable, is the absolute best for
him. So even though we are becoming attached to this precious guy, we
pray each day that he would be able to be reunified with his family.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Friday, October 26, 2012
First Placement
I spent the morning visiting my grandma before she went into surgery for a mastectomy.
It was a bit emotional and I called Paul to let him know I was interested in driving an hour and a half on a weeknight to see a favorite Christian band perform their incredibly uplifting and encouraging new album. My reasoning was that we didn't have any children, we were still free to do whatever we wanted and stay out as late as we wanted, even on a school night! And besides, I could use some live concert inspiration. Little did I know...
In the late afternoon, I received a call from a placement worker. I thought it was a call to get to know me and what we were interested in for a placement, but in the end she said she had a 12-month-old boy who they were trying to locate and she was expecting him to be removed from his family the following day and oh, by the way, are we interested in taking in this emergency placement?
An hour later she called and said his social worker is with the boy's mother and is waiting for the police to arrive so he can be removed from his home and brought to the main office.
Half an hour later, she called and said can you be at the main office in 10 minutes? He's on his way. Talk about an emergency placement! Thankfully licensing makes us have a crib and a car seat for moments like this!
At the main office, which is only 5 minutes from our home, we sign some papers, they give us a quick run down on what needs to be done, such as a physical examination for the boy within the next 30 days...but to protect us, it should be in the next 24-hours in case there are bruises or anything, so we are not liable. They give us his basic information: his name, birthday and allergies. They hand us precious "Carson" (not his real name for privacy reasons) and his grocery bag consisting of a semi-soiled onesie, a stuffed animal, and a candy toy.
That's it, we're official foster parents, in an hour and a half our lives changed.
Carson doesn't cry, he doesn't speak, he doesn't smile or laugh. He just looks observantly at us and his new environment. He has chubby cheeks, brown eyes, and a sandy brown Mohawk. He wears 18-month clothes, although they are a little big for him.
Paul's gracious parents make a quick trip to Wal-Mart for necessities like diapers, clothes, food, and utensils.
Carson plays with toys (thanks to all our wonderful nieces and nephew) and we give him a bath. He sees the bottle and lays down on the floor and reaches out for it. He falls asleep on his own, an empty bottle clutched in his teeth.
Paul and I sleep in the Parlor, it is the small living room adjacent to Carson's room. He screams and cries intermittently throughout the entire night, every hour or two.
Night Terrors. (according to Google)
He never opens his eyes. We pat his back and rock him back to peaceful sleep. It is a long night and at one point while crammed on the small couch looking at my husband on the other couch fast asleep, I think about how ironic that this was the night we were going to go to a concert on a weeknight because we could, and I think to myself, I wouldn't trade this night for that night, not when I can be helping this innocent child. I finally drift off to sleep praying for him and for us.
It was a bit emotional and I called Paul to let him know I was interested in driving an hour and a half on a weeknight to see a favorite Christian band perform their incredibly uplifting and encouraging new album. My reasoning was that we didn't have any children, we were still free to do whatever we wanted and stay out as late as we wanted, even on a school night! And besides, I could use some live concert inspiration. Little did I know...
In the late afternoon, I received a call from a placement worker. I thought it was a call to get to know me and what we were interested in for a placement, but in the end she said she had a 12-month-old boy who they were trying to locate and she was expecting him to be removed from his family the following day and oh, by the way, are we interested in taking in this emergency placement?
An hour later she called and said his social worker is with the boy's mother and is waiting for the police to arrive so he can be removed from his home and brought to the main office.
Half an hour later, she called and said can you be at the main office in 10 minutes? He's on his way. Talk about an emergency placement! Thankfully licensing makes us have a crib and a car seat for moments like this!
At the main office, which is only 5 minutes from our home, we sign some papers, they give us a quick run down on what needs to be done, such as a physical examination for the boy within the next 30 days...but to protect us, it should be in the next 24-hours in case there are bruises or anything, so we are not liable. They give us his basic information: his name, birthday and allergies. They hand us precious "Carson" (not his real name for privacy reasons) and his grocery bag consisting of a semi-soiled onesie, a stuffed animal, and a candy toy.
That's it, we're official foster parents, in an hour and a half our lives changed.
Carson doesn't cry, he doesn't speak, he doesn't smile or laugh. He just looks observantly at us and his new environment. He has chubby cheeks, brown eyes, and a sandy brown Mohawk. He wears 18-month clothes, although they are a little big for him.
Paul's gracious parents make a quick trip to Wal-Mart for necessities like diapers, clothes, food, and utensils.
Carson plays with toys (thanks to all our wonderful nieces and nephew) and we give him a bath. He sees the bottle and lays down on the floor and reaches out for it. He falls asleep on his own, an empty bottle clutched in his teeth.
Paul and I sleep in the Parlor, it is the small living room adjacent to Carson's room. He screams and cries intermittently throughout the entire night, every hour or two.
Night Terrors. (according to Google)
He never opens his eyes. We pat his back and rock him back to peaceful sleep. It is a long night and at one point while crammed on the small couch looking at my husband on the other couch fast asleep, I think about how ironic that this was the night we were going to go to a concert on a weeknight because we could, and I think to myself, I wouldn't trade this night for that night, not when I can be helping this innocent child. I finally drift off to sleep praying for him and for us.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Licensed!
We started the foster and adoption licensing process in February 2011.
We finally received our license on this day, 21-months later!
(For those who may consider being adoptive/foster parents, please know this is not a typical licensing length of time, it is usually a 4-6 month process.)
It was a looooong journey that we are ultimately thankful to have experienced.
We learned a lot in the 21-months of waiting. We affectionately call it: "The Waiting Place".
Here are a few:
We learned God is not in a rush. He does not operate on our culture's sense of time and instant gratification. (Much to our dismay at times!)
We learned God teaches us a lot in The Waiting Place, when we are open and teachable. An abundance of things that will help us as we continue on in Our Foster Parenting Journey.
We learned that God didn't just make Joseph in charge of the whole land of Egypt. Joseph had to grow into that role. He began using his gifts when he was in charge of Potiphar's household. Then the warden put him in charge of the entire prison for at least 10 years. Then he was in charge of the land of Egypt. He was in The Waiting Place A LOT before he finally stepped into the role God created him for. (Genesis 37-41 in The Bible) And all the steps leading up to being "top dog" of Egypt, along with the Lord being with Joseph, gave him success in whatever he did. (Gen. 39:3, 23)
We learned a more significant meaning behind the lyrics: "if our God is for us than who can be against us and if our God is with us than what can stand against."
We learned "the squeaky wheel gets the oil."
We learned that social workers appreciate a kind word every once in a while. They also appreciate patience.
We learned that instead of going right into adoption, we ought to be foster parents first because there is more of a need for safe, stable, and loving homes.
We learned a lot about attachment parenting and having compassion for hurting people.
We learned that we can get a phone call for a placement at any time--starting today!
We finally received our license on this day, 21-months later!
(For those who may consider being adoptive/foster parents, please know this is not a typical licensing length of time, it is usually a 4-6 month process.)
It was a looooong journey that we are ultimately thankful to have experienced.
We learned a lot in the 21-months of waiting. We affectionately call it: "The Waiting Place".
Here are a few:
We learned God is not in a rush. He does not operate on our culture's sense of time and instant gratification. (Much to our dismay at times!)
We learned God teaches us a lot in The Waiting Place, when we are open and teachable. An abundance of things that will help us as we continue on in Our Foster Parenting Journey.
We learned that God didn't just make Joseph in charge of the whole land of Egypt. Joseph had to grow into that role. He began using his gifts when he was in charge of Potiphar's household. Then the warden put him in charge of the entire prison for at least 10 years. Then he was in charge of the land of Egypt. He was in The Waiting Place A LOT before he finally stepped into the role God created him for. (Genesis 37-41 in The Bible) And all the steps leading up to being "top dog" of Egypt, along with the Lord being with Joseph, gave him success in whatever he did. (Gen. 39:3, 23)
We learned a more significant meaning behind the lyrics: "if our God is for us than who can be against us and if our God is with us than what can stand against."
We learned "the squeaky wheel gets the oil."
We learned that social workers appreciate a kind word every once in a while. They also appreciate patience.
We learned that instead of going right into adoption, we ought to be foster parents first because there is more of a need for safe, stable, and loving homes.
We learned a lot about attachment parenting and having compassion for hurting people.
We learned that we can get a phone call for a placement at any time--starting today!
Monday, October 15, 2012
Plan A
In your heart you plan your life.
But the Lord decides where your steps will take you.
Proverbs 16:9
In January 2011 as a family of two we made a "resolution" to be open to expanding our family by adding children. For most young married couples in many cultures this is typically a 10-month process resulting in the birth of a child who shares the family genes. This is a common and beautiful thing. It was what we grew up thinking would happen to us and thus what we went into marriage expecting would happen. Insert Proverbs 16:9 here.
About the same time we made this decision, God began directing our steps. For weeks upon weeks, we were relentlessly made aware of orphans, foster care, and adoption. It was on television, in magazines, in many places we would never have expected. We received a free e-book entitled Adopted for Life in our email inbox and it wasn't even National Adoption Month! We prayed, we talked...we decided that we would pursue foster care/adoption, unless of course we got pregnant in the process. And wouldn't you know it, we have not experienced miscarriage or infertility that we know of and the direction of our steps in growing our family, is taking us down the path of foster parenting.
Plan A is the first choice. It is thought to be the best option. Plan B, C, D, etc. come after Plan A has failed. When you are young and married and you say you are going to be foster parents before having children of your own, this comes as a surprise for most, it's not a common first choice.
There are questions people want to ask you...
There are presumptions people hint at...
There is fear that people have for your well-being, (after all, we don't know these kids or their families...)
When we chose to give God control over our lives, our Plan A for expanding our family became foster parenting. With Plan A may come questions, fear, and doubt...but with Plan A comes peace, trust, and confidence that He is ultimately in control of everything, He decides where our steps will take us.
As we take a step (or maybe a leap) of faith in the direction of foster parenting...thankfully, this Plan A doesn't fail...not because of us, but because of who He is.
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