The First Parent Visit is a little nerve racking.
It's one thing to talk to them on the phone, its another to actually meet them in person.
We had supervised parent visits on Monday and Tuesday.
It was the first time Carson saw his parents since being placed in a foster home.
We took Carson to the main office that we first picked him up at. Thankfully for us, it is only about 5 minutes from our home.
We arrived right on time and as we walked up the steps to the entrance, Carson's mother was already out the door on the front step to meet us with tears in her eyes. Paul was holding Carson as she reached out to hold him. Carson pushed her away but then grabbed on to her necklace to play with it. It was awkward as we stood in the entrance way as tears streamed down her face having her moment with him.
We were able to give her privacy as we maneuvered our way into the building to sign-in. We were able to speak with her for a brief moment and gave her a photo album we put together with pictures of Carson playing at our home.
Carson's social worker was there to meet/greet us. He kindly asked us to be back in an hour and showed Carson and his mom into the visitation room. She had diapers and everything she needed, so we tossed her the stuffed animal that came in the grocery bag his first night and went back home to prepare dinner and clean up our house a bit.
When we went to pick Carson up he walked out of the visitation room smiling and with a new pair of brand name shoes. His mother thanked us profusely for taking such good care of him. She mentioned she knew many foster parents who are not good foster parents and she was glad he was with us. She said a final goodbye as more tears streamed down her face. I noticed she looked past us and out the glass doors to a man standing across the street. It was Carson's dad. The parents cannot have visitations together. It took us awhile to get Carson in his car seat and as we drove by the sidewalk where they were standing holding each other crying, we waved.
The next day, same time, same place, we met his dad. He rode his bike a few miles to get there to visit with his son. Carson had a similar reaction when we handed him over to his father. He kept him at a distance at first and then as he sat on his dad's lap, he kept glancing at us as we walked away to sign-in.
The social worker was not punctual this time and the security guard and the lady behind the glass-protected front desk told us very loudly to stay and supervise Carson and his dad until the social worker was able to come out. Another super awkward moment. We felt so awkward watching them interact like we were intruding on their special time together. It made us thankful that we did not agree to supervise the visits! We were so relieved when Carson's social worker came out. He apologized for his tardiness but he definitely made up for it when at the end of the visit, Carson's dad asked if he could walk us to our car and the social worker followed along as well, which we were more than grateful for!
We gave Carson's dad a duplicate photo album (his own copy) and he thanked us profusely as well. We made it through our first parent visits, another learning experience and growing opportunity! We hear with the following visits a social worker will come to our home and pick-up and drop-off Carson as they will be at a local fast-food place or the park.
It is interesting how meeting people face-to-face can increase our compassion for them and how it can encourage us to pray for them all the more fervently, especially when such a precious child is involved.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Thursday, November 1, 2012
168 hours
We made it through our first week as foster parents.
We could not have done it without the incredible support from our community of family and friends. We are amazed at the love and encouragement that has come our way, and for all our tangible needs that have been met!
Thank you, each one of you, a million times over!!!
It has been 168 hours with Carson and we could fill a hundred piggy banks with all the sense he has taught us. We definitely do not take a full night of uninterrupted sleep for granted anymore. In fact, our lack of sleepless nights weakened Paul's immune system and he came down with sickness so awful he had to miss 2 days of work. And not only could he not work at work but he could not work at home either! Being a single parent is a tough job and I now have the good sense to appreciate all single parents out there!
We were able to talk to Carson's parents and find out all about his likes, dislikes, mannerisms, quirks, and everything-in-between. Talking with them helped us immensely in being able to provide a better home life for him. (It sounded like it really helped them be more at ease with having their child live with strangers!)
Carson is adjusting well. He is very mellow, but he is also a mover! It's difficult to keep him in one place as he is enjoying the adventure of learning to walk. He doesn't cry much and smiling and laughing are becoming more of a common occurrence. We literally could not have asked for an easier kid to be our first placement.
He is still having night terrors (which are heart-wrenching for all of us!) but the frequency per night is lessening. There have been nights when we had to put him in a pack-n-play (portable crib) in our room because he was inconsolable in his own room. Having him in our room means we get to sleep through the rest of the night because he seems to sleep quite peacefully when we are nearby; the inconvenience of having him in our room does have its perks! ;)
He is a good eater! We have not found a food that he does not like yet. He does whine/cry when we take the spoon out of his mouth to refill it with more food. But he is beginning to trust us that we will give him enough food until his tummy is full.
We completed our first "must do" the day after we welcomed him into our home. We took him to his physical examination. He is a physically healthy kid. Yay! He fell asleep in the car on the way there and didn't even wake up when the nurse had to weigh him, take his body length, head width, or prick his finger. He did wake up in time to receive 4 immunization shots and I got teary-eyed watching Paul have to hold him down...and I had only known him for 17 hours! Paul admitted he got a little emotional too--no tears though. :) Carson must have a high pain tolerance because he only cried for a few minutes and then he was done.
He is great at playing independently and with others. It delights him to play/follow/observe our 2 1/2 year old nephew who lives nearby. Everyone in the family is enjoying interacting and getting to know him. He is capturing all of our hearts and its only been 168 hours.
We could not have done it without the incredible support from our community of family and friends. We are amazed at the love and encouragement that has come our way, and for all our tangible needs that have been met!
Thank you, each one of you, a million times over!!!
It has been 168 hours with Carson and we could fill a hundred piggy banks with all the sense he has taught us. We definitely do not take a full night of uninterrupted sleep for granted anymore. In fact, our lack of sleepless nights weakened Paul's immune system and he came down with sickness so awful he had to miss 2 days of work. And not only could he not work at work but he could not work at home either! Being a single parent is a tough job and I now have the good sense to appreciate all single parents out there!
We were able to talk to Carson's parents and find out all about his likes, dislikes, mannerisms, quirks, and everything-in-between. Talking with them helped us immensely in being able to provide a better home life for him. (It sounded like it really helped them be more at ease with having their child live with strangers!)
Carson is adjusting well. He is very mellow, but he is also a mover! It's difficult to keep him in one place as he is enjoying the adventure of learning to walk. He doesn't cry much and smiling and laughing are becoming more of a common occurrence. We literally could not have asked for an easier kid to be our first placement.
He is still having night terrors (which are heart-wrenching for all of us!) but the frequency per night is lessening. There have been nights when we had to put him in a pack-n-play (portable crib) in our room because he was inconsolable in his own room. Having him in our room means we get to sleep through the rest of the night because he seems to sleep quite peacefully when we are nearby; the inconvenience of having him in our room does have its perks! ;)
He is a good eater! We have not found a food that he does not like yet. He does whine/cry when we take the spoon out of his mouth to refill it with more food. But he is beginning to trust us that we will give him enough food until his tummy is full.
We completed our first "must do" the day after we welcomed him into our home. We took him to his physical examination. He is a physically healthy kid. Yay! He fell asleep in the car on the way there and didn't even wake up when the nurse had to weigh him, take his body length, head width, or prick his finger. He did wake up in time to receive 4 immunization shots and I got teary-eyed watching Paul have to hold him down...and I had only known him for 17 hours! Paul admitted he got a little emotional too--no tears though. :) Carson must have a high pain tolerance because he only cried for a few minutes and then he was done.
He is great at playing independently and with others. It delights him to play/follow/observe our 2 1/2 year old nephew who lives nearby. Everyone in the family is enjoying interacting and getting to know him. He is capturing all of our hearts and its only been 168 hours.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Paradoxical
When we picked Carson up we were not told much, but we were told he has
family, probably aunties, that would most likely be able to take over
guardianship. But we have no idea how long he will be with us, could be
weeks, could be months. We are expecting reunification with the birth
family, but we also thought we were going to pick him up on Friday, not
Thursday. So, we are going with the flow and providing a safe, stable, and
loving home for him as long as he needs it.
We are continually experiencing and growing in so many ways. We didn't realize how paradoxical foster parenting can be. We were excited to see 2 years of trying to be foster parents come to fruition and we were excited to meet Carson, but at the same time we were/are sad for Carson and his family. We feel some anger and judgment towards his parents for not proving a safe and secure environment for him, but then we have compassion as we speak with his mother over the phone. One thing is for sure, we want what's best for Carson and we know that reunifying him to his parents, as long as it is safe and stable, is the absolute best for him. So even though we are becoming attached to this precious guy, we pray each day that he would be able to be reunified with his family.
We are continually experiencing and growing in so many ways. We didn't realize how paradoxical foster parenting can be. We were excited to see 2 years of trying to be foster parents come to fruition and we were excited to meet Carson, but at the same time we were/are sad for Carson and his family. We feel some anger and judgment towards his parents for not proving a safe and secure environment for him, but then we have compassion as we speak with his mother over the phone. One thing is for sure, we want what's best for Carson and we know that reunifying him to his parents, as long as it is safe and stable, is the absolute best for him. So even though we are becoming attached to this precious guy, we pray each day that he would be able to be reunified with his family.
Friday, October 26, 2012
First Placement
I spent the morning visiting my grandma before she went into surgery for a mastectomy.
It was a bit emotional and I called Paul to let him know I was interested in driving an hour and a half on a weeknight to see a favorite Christian band perform their incredibly uplifting and encouraging new album. My reasoning was that we didn't have any children, we were still free to do whatever we wanted and stay out as late as we wanted, even on a school night! And besides, I could use some live concert inspiration. Little did I know...
In the late afternoon, I received a call from a placement worker. I thought it was a call to get to know me and what we were interested in for a placement, but in the end she said she had a 12-month-old boy who they were trying to locate and she was expecting him to be removed from his family the following day and oh, by the way, are we interested in taking in this emergency placement?
An hour later she called and said his social worker is with the boy's mother and is waiting for the police to arrive so he can be removed from his home and brought to the main office.
Half an hour later, she called and said can you be at the main office in 10 minutes? He's on his way. Talk about an emergency placement! Thankfully licensing makes us have a crib and a car seat for moments like this!
At the main office, which is only 5 minutes from our home, we sign some papers, they give us a quick run down on what needs to be done, such as a physical examination for the boy within the next 30 days...but to protect us, it should be in the next 24-hours in case there are bruises or anything, so we are not liable. They give us his basic information: his name, birthday and allergies. They hand us precious "Carson" (not his real name for privacy reasons) and his grocery bag consisting of a semi-soiled onesie, a stuffed animal, and a candy toy.
That's it, we're official foster parents, in an hour and a half our lives changed.
Carson doesn't cry, he doesn't speak, he doesn't smile or laugh. He just looks observantly at us and his new environment. He has chubby cheeks, brown eyes, and a sandy brown Mohawk. He wears 18-month clothes, although they are a little big for him.
Paul's gracious parents make a quick trip to Wal-Mart for necessities like diapers, clothes, food, and utensils.
Carson plays with toys (thanks to all our wonderful nieces and nephew) and we give him a bath. He sees the bottle and lays down on the floor and reaches out for it. He falls asleep on his own, an empty bottle clutched in his teeth.
Paul and I sleep in the Parlor, it is the small living room adjacent to Carson's room. He screams and cries intermittently throughout the entire night, every hour or two.
Night Terrors. (according to Google)
He never opens his eyes. We pat his back and rock him back to peaceful sleep. It is a long night and at one point while crammed on the small couch looking at my husband on the other couch fast asleep, I think about how ironic that this was the night we were going to go to a concert on a weeknight because we could, and I think to myself, I wouldn't trade this night for that night, not when I can be helping this innocent child. I finally drift off to sleep praying for him and for us.
It was a bit emotional and I called Paul to let him know I was interested in driving an hour and a half on a weeknight to see a favorite Christian band perform their incredibly uplifting and encouraging new album. My reasoning was that we didn't have any children, we were still free to do whatever we wanted and stay out as late as we wanted, even on a school night! And besides, I could use some live concert inspiration. Little did I know...
In the late afternoon, I received a call from a placement worker. I thought it was a call to get to know me and what we were interested in for a placement, but in the end she said she had a 12-month-old boy who they were trying to locate and she was expecting him to be removed from his family the following day and oh, by the way, are we interested in taking in this emergency placement?
An hour later she called and said his social worker is with the boy's mother and is waiting for the police to arrive so he can be removed from his home and brought to the main office.
Half an hour later, she called and said can you be at the main office in 10 minutes? He's on his way. Talk about an emergency placement! Thankfully licensing makes us have a crib and a car seat for moments like this!
At the main office, which is only 5 minutes from our home, we sign some papers, they give us a quick run down on what needs to be done, such as a physical examination for the boy within the next 30 days...but to protect us, it should be in the next 24-hours in case there are bruises or anything, so we are not liable. They give us his basic information: his name, birthday and allergies. They hand us precious "Carson" (not his real name for privacy reasons) and his grocery bag consisting of a semi-soiled onesie, a stuffed animal, and a candy toy.
That's it, we're official foster parents, in an hour and a half our lives changed.
Carson doesn't cry, he doesn't speak, he doesn't smile or laugh. He just looks observantly at us and his new environment. He has chubby cheeks, brown eyes, and a sandy brown Mohawk. He wears 18-month clothes, although they are a little big for him.
Paul's gracious parents make a quick trip to Wal-Mart for necessities like diapers, clothes, food, and utensils.
Carson plays with toys (thanks to all our wonderful nieces and nephew) and we give him a bath. He sees the bottle and lays down on the floor and reaches out for it. He falls asleep on his own, an empty bottle clutched in his teeth.
Paul and I sleep in the Parlor, it is the small living room adjacent to Carson's room. He screams and cries intermittently throughout the entire night, every hour or two.
Night Terrors. (according to Google)
He never opens his eyes. We pat his back and rock him back to peaceful sleep. It is a long night and at one point while crammed on the small couch looking at my husband on the other couch fast asleep, I think about how ironic that this was the night we were going to go to a concert on a weeknight because we could, and I think to myself, I wouldn't trade this night for that night, not when I can be helping this innocent child. I finally drift off to sleep praying for him and for us.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Licensed!
We started the foster and adoption licensing process in February 2011.
We finally received our license on this day, 21-months later!
(For those who may consider being adoptive/foster parents, please know this is not a typical licensing length of time, it is usually a 4-6 month process.)
It was a looooong journey that we are ultimately thankful to have experienced.
We learned a lot in the 21-months of waiting. We affectionately call it: "The Waiting Place".
Here are a few:
We learned God is not in a rush. He does not operate on our culture's sense of time and instant gratification. (Much to our dismay at times!)
We learned God teaches us a lot in The Waiting Place, when we are open and teachable. An abundance of things that will help us as we continue on in Our Foster Parenting Journey.
We learned that God didn't just make Joseph in charge of the whole land of Egypt. Joseph had to grow into that role. He began using his gifts when he was in charge of Potiphar's household. Then the warden put him in charge of the entire prison for at least 10 years. Then he was in charge of the land of Egypt. He was in The Waiting Place A LOT before he finally stepped into the role God created him for. (Genesis 37-41 in The Bible) And all the steps leading up to being "top dog" of Egypt, along with the Lord being with Joseph, gave him success in whatever he did. (Gen. 39:3, 23)
We learned a more significant meaning behind the lyrics: "if our God is for us than who can be against us and if our God is with us than what can stand against."
We learned "the squeaky wheel gets the oil."
We learned that social workers appreciate a kind word every once in a while. They also appreciate patience.
We learned that instead of going right into adoption, we ought to be foster parents first because there is more of a need for safe, stable, and loving homes.
We learned a lot about attachment parenting and having compassion for hurting people.
We learned that we can get a phone call for a placement at any time--starting today!
We finally received our license on this day, 21-months later!
(For those who may consider being adoptive/foster parents, please know this is not a typical licensing length of time, it is usually a 4-6 month process.)
It was a looooong journey that we are ultimately thankful to have experienced.
We learned a lot in the 21-months of waiting. We affectionately call it: "The Waiting Place".
Here are a few:
We learned God is not in a rush. He does not operate on our culture's sense of time and instant gratification. (Much to our dismay at times!)
We learned God teaches us a lot in The Waiting Place, when we are open and teachable. An abundance of things that will help us as we continue on in Our Foster Parenting Journey.
We learned that God didn't just make Joseph in charge of the whole land of Egypt. Joseph had to grow into that role. He began using his gifts when he was in charge of Potiphar's household. Then the warden put him in charge of the entire prison for at least 10 years. Then he was in charge of the land of Egypt. He was in The Waiting Place A LOT before he finally stepped into the role God created him for. (Genesis 37-41 in The Bible) And all the steps leading up to being "top dog" of Egypt, along with the Lord being with Joseph, gave him success in whatever he did. (Gen. 39:3, 23)
We learned a more significant meaning behind the lyrics: "if our God is for us than who can be against us and if our God is with us than what can stand against."
We learned "the squeaky wheel gets the oil."
We learned that social workers appreciate a kind word every once in a while. They also appreciate patience.
We learned that instead of going right into adoption, we ought to be foster parents first because there is more of a need for safe, stable, and loving homes.
We learned a lot about attachment parenting and having compassion for hurting people.
We learned that we can get a phone call for a placement at any time--starting today!
Monday, October 15, 2012
Plan A
In your heart you plan your life.
But the Lord decides where your steps will take you.
Proverbs 16:9
In January 2011 as a family of two we made a "resolution" to be open to expanding our family by adding children. For most young married couples in many cultures this is typically a 10-month process resulting in the birth of a child who shares the family genes. This is a common and beautiful thing. It was what we grew up thinking would happen to us and thus what we went into marriage expecting would happen. Insert Proverbs 16:9 here.
About the same time we made this decision, God began directing our steps. For weeks upon weeks, we were relentlessly made aware of orphans, foster care, and adoption. It was on television, in magazines, in many places we would never have expected. We received a free e-book entitled Adopted for Life in our email inbox and it wasn't even National Adoption Month! We prayed, we talked...we decided that we would pursue foster care/adoption, unless of course we got pregnant in the process. And wouldn't you know it, we have not experienced miscarriage or infertility that we know of and the direction of our steps in growing our family, is taking us down the path of foster parenting.
Plan A is the first choice. It is thought to be the best option. Plan B, C, D, etc. come after Plan A has failed. When you are young and married and you say you are going to be foster parents before having children of your own, this comes as a surprise for most, it's not a common first choice.
There are questions people want to ask you...
There are presumptions people hint at...
There is fear that people have for your well-being, (after all, we don't know these kids or their families...)
When we chose to give God control over our lives, our Plan A for expanding our family became foster parenting. With Plan A may come questions, fear, and doubt...but with Plan A comes peace, trust, and confidence that He is ultimately in control of everything, He decides where our steps will take us.
As we take a step (or maybe a leap) of faith in the direction of foster parenting...thankfully, this Plan A doesn't fail...not because of us, but because of who He is.
Subscribe to:
Posts
(
Atom
)
